In a recent letter to Miss Manners, a relative and legal guardian of a severely disabled woman expressed frustration over receiving praise for taking care of her. The writer, who promised to care for the woman since childhood, is tired of being lauded for doing what they see as a necessary duty.
The writer, who still views the woman with the mentality of a toddler despite being middle-aged, questions why others feel the need to shower them with compliments for fulfilling an obligation. They find the constant praise of their selflessness and greatness nauseating, viewing it as a reflection of society’s low expectations of caregivers.
Seeking Miss Manners’ guidance on how to respond to these well-meaning but unwanted accolades, the writer wonders if there is a polite way to shut down the praise without coming across as self-congratulatory. Miss Manners suggests a humble response that acknowledges the universal human instinct to care for those in need.
This letter sheds light on the complex emotions caregivers of disabled individuals often face, from the burden of responsibility to the discomfort of being placed on a pedestal. It serves as a reminder to society to be mindful of how we praise and support caregivers, recognizing that their actions are born out of love and duty rather than a desire for recognition.
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