After 20 years of marriage, a reader seeks advice from columnist R. Eric Thomas on their strained relationship. They discovered their wife’s affair a year ago and have been trying to fix things ever since. Despite being good friends, they sleep in separate rooms and are working with mediators without telling their children.
Thomas advises the reader that it takes both partners to work on a relationship, and if one person is not actively trying to repair it, the marriage is doomed. He suggests bringing up important questions in mediation, such as joint plans for repair and commitment to taking necessary steps. He emphasizes the urgency of the situation, comparing the failing marriage to a sinking boat with water pouring in.
The reader is encouraged to have a candid conversation with their wife and express their feelings about being stuck in their current situation. It is important to address any reluctance to hurt each other by pushing for resolution. Whether they ask for help or decide to step out of the boat and move on, it is crucial to take action rather than remain stagnant in a deteriorating relationship.
Overall, the advice given by Thomas encourages the reader to confront the reality of their failing marriage and take steps towards addressing the issues at hand. Communication, honesty, and a willingness to either repair the relationship or move on are key components to finding a resolution in a challenging situation.
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