When hosting Thanksgiving dinner for 25 people, one reader is facing criticism for not asking guests to bring food, despite her insistence that they do not need to. Miss Manners explains that the tradition of guests bringing part of the meal is often expected, but not always appropriate. While it is reasonable for communal meals, such as Thanksgiving, some hosts prefer to handle all preparations themselves. However, guests often feel the need to contribute something, even if it goes against the wishes of the host.
Miss Manners suggests being clear and firm with guests who insist on bringing food, explaining that the meal is already planned and extra dishes are not necessary. Guests may overlook subtle hints, so direct communication may be needed to ensure they understand the host’s preferences.
Some hosts may appreciate the help or view it as a way for guests to contribute, but others find it intrusive or burdensome. Each host has their own preferences, and it is important for guests to respect those choices. Ultimately, the goal of hosting is to provide a welcoming environment for guests, and this can be achieved in different ways.
As guests continue to push the issue, hosts may need to be assertive in their refusal of additional dishes. Setting boundaries and communicating clearly can help ensure a smooth and stress-free gathering for everyone involved.
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